I met a man once who seemed to have everything one could ever want: A beautiful quarter of a million dollar sailboat, a younger beautiful smart fit wife, a beautiful (I know I keep on saying beautiful, read on) house in the Mountains…
He drank a lot even if he said he didn’t. But I noticed. He used to open more after the third drink and, one day, he admitted it. He named his illness ”silent desperation” and I understood exactly what it was,
Silent desperation is having everything everyone would think represents the perfect life, and yet, at the same time, feeling a tremendous void which seems impossible to fill. And, because you possess all the obvious wants and needs, you have to shut up about your pain. Because, really, who is going to take you seriously? You will hear people say ”are you actually complaining?” or ‘,what the heck is your problem, you got it all?”…
And yet, your pain is real. If, at this point, you are not suffering from ”silent desperation”, still read on and share this post for those who are.
In the case of Mr. X, he tried to avoid or heal or escape his SDS (Silent Desperation Syndrome) by cheating on his wife, travelling a lot, buying and spending money to compensate for some pain he couldn’t put the finger on, drinking and feeling sad. A sadness that seemed incurable.
What was the problem, really? It took me a while but I figured out not only the ”what” and ”why” but the “how” to cure it. (did you share the article yet? It would be a good time now)
By the way, SDS appears at any age. Maybe your kids have it
The what and why:
1- A lack of self esteem. If you don’t love yourself enough (and 90% of people lack of it), nothing in the world will fill that inner void. You will end up sabotaging your life, drinking or taking drugs to numb the pain you feel, a pain that seemed to have always been there.
2- Guilt. It start with feeling ashamed and not knowing why. The guilt is rooted deep because it comes from a feeling of ”I must have done something wrong” to not be loved enough and not feel like I am enough. The guilt leads to 2 consequences: you will get angry and very sensitive when someone says or does something that reminds you that you are supposedly ”not good enough”. Secondly, you will create circumstances that make you feel guilty because it is an emotion you will become confortable with.
For example, you do drugs and say something completely outrageous to a loved one. That makes you feel not good enough leading to pain + you feel guilty from what you said so you want to numb the pain. Therefore yo take drugs which cause you to feel guilty so want to numb that pain so you take drugs… You see the vicious circle.
By the way, I speak of drugs and alcohol but you can replace that by ”workaholism”, sex addiction, gambling…
3- Lack of goals: Everything that does not grow, eventually dies. When not challenged, a being does not grow. One of the human needs is diversity. With lack of, we become to search desperately for it. Addiction creates diversity. The surprise element in ”I don’t know what disaster I will create but I know it will be different than what I usually live”
SDS doesn’t affect you only mentally. Guilt is a leading cause of cancer and other degenerative diseases. The Harvard Medical Institute has named ”resentment” a disease.
A lack of self esteem leads to killing yourself slowly. A body and soul which does not feel loved, will die. It goes into ”auto-destruction” mode. A source for addiction, reckless living, sabotaging success, destroying other people’s lives or your relationships…
Mr. X had nothing to look forward to. He had everything he always dreamed of. I remember as a kid learning about Roman Gary’s suicide. A very well known extremely successful author who had an amazing journey. His eccentric mother had invented a tone of goals and he did them all. And when he did, he killed himself. He said he had nothing to look forward to anymore. I agree, it is extreme. Yet, so many are dead inside long before they die. Are you?
These are the three main root causes of SDS. If you feel I touched a nerve and find yourself thinking ”oh my God, am not alone” or ”I don’t have to shut up anymore”, then you are on the way to healing.
If you need help, I coach people and help them heal faster. I have helped people who were followed by psychoanalysts for 10 to 30 years, getting them out of medication. I helped people cure their cancers (read here, I said I helped and not I cured). The mind can either by your best ally or your worse enemy. I bring people back to life.
If you need me, contact me at slavicainc (@) gmail.com. If you don’t and you liked this articled (if it made some kind of sense), share it. You might save someone’s life. You actually might know someone with SDS. Or you may not want to admit it is you, yet 🙂
Sending you all lots of love. We all can use more of it.